Wonderthink

I’ve also read a lot about the healing power of writing and sharing your journey. Cliché? Maybe. But I’m trying it anyway to see if it’s true for me.

My writing “style” (if you can even call it that) will likely be either stream-of-consciousness or more explanatory, drawn from notes I take while I learn and explore topics that catch my curiosity.

I’m not interested in using attention hooks, curiosity-peaking titles, or formal writing techniques—first because I don’t really know how to, and more importantly because I’m not trying to make money out of this. I just want to feel okay again and meet cool people along the way.

As I hope you’ll learn about me, dear reader, I value transparency. I enjoy thinking about the “why” behind everything and openly sharing it with others. I’m deeply curious about people’s inner worlds, and since I only have full access to my own, I’ve explored it extensively. What I’ve found is a growing understanding of the human experience, and the importance of being kind.

The one thing I will not share with you is my name, at least for now. And I will resist the urge to explain why.

So here it goes…

I recently had a major mental health crisis that left me, well, pretty shaken. I lost my mind. In medical terms, I had a psychotic break.

I can’t quite tell if I’m more curious than upset about the experience. Don’t get me wrong, I am taking it seriously, and I also can’t stop feeling a kind of awe for the brain, the mind, consciousness, personality, identity. What is all of this? How does it all work? What led me to this? And before you think I’ll give myself another break by attempting to answer the unanswerable, let me give you some more context.

Before this major event in my life, I have to admit I was pretty ignorant about mental health. I had heard the term, of course—I don’t live in a cave, even though at times I wish I did—but I didn’t have the knowledge to recognize the signs that I was becoming unwell. Neither did my colleagues, close friends, or family.

Interestingly enough, I’m often the person people say things like “I don’t know anyone who has done that” about, in reaction to my life choices. Close friends have described me as having a unique perspective on life, and at times they lovingly joke that I’m random and unpredictable, “you’ll never guess what she comes up with next”.

I usually laugh at this, I don’t think I do anything particularly unusual; I’ve just chosen to break from tradition, as I’ve been exposed to people and ideas that constantly expand my understanding of what’s possible.

When it comes to the psychotic episode, however, for the first time I find myself agreeing with them: I don’t know anyone who has done that.

So this blog is my way of dealing with that realization, and with the aftermath of what I went through. It’s my way of creating a practice for documenting my reflections, and my journey towards understanding what happened, whatever that ends up looking like.

I have no idea where this will go yet, but I’m writing it away.

Thanks for reading,

M.T.